he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
