I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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