There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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