I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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