just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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