It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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