Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
