Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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