K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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