My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
