why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
