...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
