You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
