I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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