why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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