I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
