do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
