She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
where does the pee come out of this thing
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
