I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
