I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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