Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
