Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
