my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
