Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
