So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
