before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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