There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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