literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
