I will die if light touches me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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