she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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