My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
