We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
