fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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