Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
be right there i have to get my cape
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
