I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm like, not good at living.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
