well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
