Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
