She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She even gives head with a lisp.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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