well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
