It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
