I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
