I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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