I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
