The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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