I puked a lego.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
