My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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