How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
