People in love make me want to vomit
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
