If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
