sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
