i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
