hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
